Police are appealing for witnesses after five cars were damaged in a Newbury road in one night.
Wing mirrors were ripped off a Vauxhall Astra and a Hyundai i10 in Argyle Road between noon on Saturday January 5 and 10.20am the following day.
Wing mirrors on a Ford Fiesta and another Hyundai i10 were also ripped off during the same time period.
And sometime between 4pm on Saturday January 5, and 6.20am on Sunday January 6, a wing mirror was torn off a Volkswagen Polo.
*
It was the dead of night when the spacecraft materialised in Argyle Road, completely flattening a traffic hump and smashing the wing mirror off a parked Vauxhall Astra.
Inside, the captain addressed the crew. ‘An excellent landing. Very smooth.’ The four creatures each acknowledged his praise with a fluttering of their ancillary proboscises. ‘Your mission,’ he continued, ‘is to establish whether there is intelligent life on this planet. Keep close to the craft. Return quickly.’
The small hatch slid open and the four squat figures waddled through into the darkness, leaving their captain alone. Within a short time they returned, one by one.
‘Well?’ asked the captain, eagerly.
‘Captain!’ One of the creatures stepped forward. ‘Life exists. I discovered one of our own trapped within a strange machine. I released her and brought her here.’ With a great flourish she proffered an item to the captain who stared in shock at the familiar face staring back at him.
A second crew member stepped forward with an identical object. ‘I too released one of our own! His name is Hyundai.’ The first creature gasped, indicating the object in her own grasp.
‘Her name is Hyundai!’
‘All hail the planet Hyundai!’ intoned the two creatures in unison.
‘The planet Fiesta!’ corrected the third creature, pushing past the others to present a similar black object to the captain.
‘Idiots!’ growled the captain. ‘These are trickeries, devices to replicate the face of whoever gazes into the silver portal. Brsazrtynropyyui,’ – turning to the fourth figure, who was lurking in the shadows behind the others – ‘you, I hope, were more successful in your endeavours?’
Brsazrtynropyyui surreptitiously dropped something behind a pillar as she stepped forward and replied,
‘I was unable to locate intelligent life, captain. My recommendation is to continue our course to the next planet.’
As the ship shot out through the Earth’s atmosphere an observer might have noticed a small airlock being opened and a Volkswagen Polo wing mirror spinning out into the great void of space.
Inside, the captain addressed the crew. ‘An excellent landing. Very smooth.’ The four creatures each acknowledged his praise with a fluttering of their ancillary proboscises. ‘Your mission,’ he continued, ‘is to establish whether there is intelligent life on this planet. Keep close to the craft. Return quickly.’
The small hatch slid open and the four squat figures waddled through into the darkness, leaving their captain alone. Within a short time they returned, one by one.
‘Well?’ asked the captain, eagerly.
‘Captain!’ One of the creatures stepped forward. ‘Life exists. I discovered one of our own trapped within a strange machine. I released her and brought her here.’ With a great flourish she proffered an item to the captain who stared in shock at the familiar face staring back at him.
A second crew member stepped forward with an identical object. ‘I too released one of our own! His name is Hyundai.’ The first creature gasped, indicating the object in her own grasp.
‘Her name is Hyundai!’
‘All hail the planet Hyundai!’ intoned the two creatures in unison.
‘The planet Fiesta!’ corrected the third creature, pushing past the others to present a similar black object to the captain.
‘Idiots!’ growled the captain. ‘These are trickeries, devices to replicate the face of whoever gazes into the silver portal. Brsazrtynropyyui,’ – turning to the fourth figure, who was lurking in the shadows behind the others – ‘you, I hope, were more successful in your endeavours?’
Brsazrtynropyyui surreptitiously dropped something behind a pillar as she stepped forward and replied,
‘I was unable to locate intelligent life, captain. My recommendation is to continue our course to the next planet.’
As the ship shot out through the Earth’s atmosphere an observer might have noticed a small airlock being opened and a Volkswagen Polo wing mirror spinning out into the great void of space.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.