Toys in trousers

Chippenham: On April 27, a male thief entered Morrisons and stuffed an unknown amount of items of Lego bricks in his trousers and left without paying.

(Gazette & Herald, 2 May 2019)

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The Association of Petty Thieves’ Grand Prix 2019

Rules of entry

Violation of any of the stipulations set out below will result in automatic disqualification. The Judges’ decision is final.

1. Toys in trousers. Toys may be any size or shape. Trousers also.
2. Plants in pants. Must be live plants. No packets of seeds please.
3. Cats in cardigans. The cardigan must be worn by the thief, not the cat. Minimum two cats.
4. Literature in loafers. Only publications deemed literary fiction by the Judges will be ruled acceptable. Participants using brogues, deck shoes, dress shoes or any footwear other than loafers will be disqualified.
5. Sausages in swimwear. Any one- or two-piece swimwear is allowed, other than wet suits. Eligible sausages include bratwurst, Toulouse, chorizo and Cumberland. Cocktail sausages are not permitted.
6. Games in gowns. Full length ball gowns and full-size board games only. Extra points for Giant Jenga.
7. Biscuits in boots. Please note a Jaffa Cake is not a biscuit. Otherwise the Judges offer free rein to entrants on the type of biscuit and boot deployed.
8. Haberdashery in hot pants. For this challenge the Judges require three different types of haberdashery to be purloined. For instance: buttons, a reel of cotton and a knitting needle.
9. Lizards in lederhosen. Any size or variety of lizard is permitted but the lederhosen must be the authentic German garment.
10. Tankards in tank tops. To be earn points in our final challenge, the tankard must be engraved with your name.

Good luck, competitors.