New information point at library

Town council provides a useful touchscreen for visitors.

A visitor information point has been installed at Newbury library.

The easy-to-use device has a large touchscreen with information about places to stay and eat locally, together with links to travel websites for bus, coach and train companies and events.

The screen also has a map of the town centre and a weather forecast.

Newbury Town Council has agreed to fund the information point as part of its wider commitment to provide a helpful service for visitors to the town.

The information point has been placed in the library, with support from West Berkshire Council, given its close proximity to the new bus station at the Wharf.

Newbury Town Council leader Adrian Edwards (Con. Falkland) said: "We're very pleased to be able to provide this valuable service which forms part of our wider commitment to support Newbury library. 

"The technology is both easy to use and extremely informative and I'm sure that it will contribute to the enjoyment for anyone on a visit to our lovely town."

(Newbury Weekly News, 28 March 2019)

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From: The 21st Century

To: Newbury Town Council

Subject: Some news that will astound you

Hi there,

We’ve got something to tell you. It’s BIG. We hope you’re sitting down while you read this.
We just read about the cutting-edge new touchscreen information device you’ve had installed in the library.

What if–stick with us here–such a device already existed, the only difference being it was smaller, lighter and infinitely more powerful? And you could use it wherever you wanted, not just in the library? 

Well–you’re sitting down, right?–it does! We’d like to introduce you to ‘the smartphone’. For a full description just google it next time you’re in the library.

This device, believe it or not, is in the pockets and handbags of around 80% of people these days. We know! Mind-boggling! It can be used for all kinds of things including looking up places to stay and eat locally, checking out travel websites for bus, coach and train companies and finding out about events. That’s not all – there are maps you can use on the go, and even a weather forecast!

Phew. That’s a lot to take in all at once isn’t it. 

Of course, not everyone has a smartphone! Your information point is going to be invaluable to all those non-smartphone-using visitors to Newbury who intuit that such a thing exists and manage to navigate their way to the library (using a paper-based map, perhaps).

Anyway, just thought you might like to hear this breaking news about smartphones. You’re welcome!

Best,

The 21st Century

PS we can’t wait to visit Newbury! What a land of milk and honey we imagine it to be if one of the most pressing demands on the public purse is a new visitor information device!

Marmalade festival

A popular marmalade festival is set to return.

The event will take place at The Barns in Church Road, Michelmersh, on March 23 between 9.30am to 1pm.

There will be cakes, tea and coffee.

The money raised will go towards St. Mary's Church.

There will also be a raffle and home-made marmalades to buy.

Entries must be submitted to the venue between 2pm and 4pm on March 22 and between 8am and 9am on March 23.

There will be no entry fees.

(Romsey Advertiser, 15th March 2019)

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The new vicar of St Mary’s Church beamed round at the assembled charity committee. 

‘Hi guys! So great to meet you all! I’m really psyched to be chairing my very first fundraising brainstorm for the church. I just know we’re going to come up with something super awesome.’

A couple of people smiled weakly. One or two looked down at their tea cups. Alma Greene, vice-chair of the committee, cleared her throat.

‘We always do the same event here in Michelmersh, Vicar. It’s very popular…’

‘Ok, awesome, but how about we shake things up this year? I’ll get the ball rolling.’ The vicar leapt up from his chair and began pacing up and down. ‘I’m thinking big: “St Mary’s Fest.”’ He paused expectantly. Silence and averted gazes. He ploughed on. ‘We take over the village. Put a couple of music stages on the green. More intimate acoustic sets in the village hall. Set up a glamping area on the farm.’

Noises that had started as vague murmurings broke out into vocal protests, led by Alma.

‘That sounds very noisy, Vicar. And dirty.’ 

The vicar looked crestfallen, then rallied.

‘Maybe you’re right. Maybe St Mary’s Fest is a bit too ambitious for this year. That’s cool. No worries guys. I’ve got other ideas!’

A noise that sounded like a groan was quickly turned into a cough.

‘How about a book festival?’

‘Too snooty.’ Alma had clearly set herself up as the committee spokesperson. The rest nodded approvingly.

‘A wine festival?’

‘Too boozy.’

‘Scarecrow festival?’

‘Not a real festival.’

‘Highland games?’

‘Too Scottish.’

‘Mediaeval jousting?’

‘Too confrontational.’

‘Cheese-rolling?’

‘Too smelly.’

The vicar threw his hands in the air. ‘I give in! What on earth is left that isn’t too noisy, boozy, Scottish, confrontational or smelly?'

Alma pulled an old orange-stained cardboard folder out of her bag. ‘Well, Vicar, we’ve got just the thing…’

Concern over Croft footways

The narrow footways or lack of paths at The Croft in Hungerford are causing problems to some residents, a meeting has heard

The matter was raised at Hungerford Town Council's highways and transport committee on Monday night.

Deputy committee chairman Richard Hudson acknowledged the issue, stating: "The narrow footways in The Croft are aren't very satisfactory. But that's just the way it is."

West Berkshire Council is the highways authority but the town council can raise such issues in an advisory capacity.

Councillor Rob Chicken conceded there was little that could, in practice, be done, but added: "I wanted to be able to say we'd discussed it if anyone raises complaints."

Town clerk Claire Barnes told the meeting: "We have previously agreed to write to West Berkshire Council about the issue, so I'll ensure that's done."

(Newbury Weekly News, 28th February 2019)

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Rules governing the meetings of Hungerford Town Council’s highways and transport committee.

Following an inquest which found that the tragic death of a highway and transport committee member was due to ‘fatal boredom’, the following rules must be observed at every committee meeting for the protection of its members. Should these rules prove insufficient to prevent attendees becoming overcome by dangerous levels of boredom, committee members are empowered to add supplementary directives.

1. At least one committee member must change his or her name to that of a farmyard animal for the duration of the session
2. Other committee members must adopt temporary names based on anagrams of ‘In road crud shh’ and ‘Canal berries’
3. Means must be found to insert the lyrics of a popular song from the 1980s into the minutes of the meeting. Extra points will be awarded for songs by Bruce Hornsby and the Range
4. Every time a committee member utters the words ‘West Berkshire’, all other committee members must immediately jump up and do a monkey impression. The impression must be silent and will not be recorded in the minutes
5. Wherever possible, committee members should assert that things both ‘are’ and ‘aren’t’ a certain way, in order to avoid having to take definite action on one side or the other
6. As long as a matter has been discussed in even the most cursory way, committee members are authorised to blow a raspberry in the face of anyone who complains while thumbing their nose and waggling their fingers
7. It is understood that members who make statements while doing an exaggerated wink, mean the opposite of what they say. For example, a member who states ‘I’ll ensure that’s done’ while squeezing one eye shut and making elbow-nudging gestures, can be understood to say ‘I definitely won’t be doing that’
8. On no account should any concrete action be undertaken in regards to highways and transport on any grounds whatsoever